The year 2021 has been nothing short of a whirlwind filled with changes and uncertainties. I am sure you will empathize with this feeling.
From taking on new things every few years once, since 2019, I (we) have been taking changes head on every year.
By the end of the year 2020, I was questioning what I was doing and how close it was to what I wanted to do. Something was always missing in what I did despite the fact that I try and make intentional choices, especially about work. The search for the missing comes and goes, but this time it was difficult to move past without changing inside out.
I spent the first few months of 2021 doing business as usual. I was deeply upset with the ongoing neglect about the climate crisis, absence of any radical changes both at personal front but also at the national/global front. I started to worry about life after 20 years, the plight of children born into this mess we failed to clean up, and how we are still welcoming new ones into the world without considering the impact of that choice.
The thought that we will figure as we go along, while doing business as usual, started to hurt and ache me. The level of dissonance I experienced not only cognitively, but physically, emotionally, and spiritually started to make me feel exhausted. I was becoming irritated, annoyed, upset, and preoccupied with every passing day.
I chose to do something about this. I was done feeling helpless. In May, I decided to change what I did for work full-time. I set a deadline to transition off. I had little idea on how our family would be supported but I knew that living this life of dichotomy was costing me my inner peace and family peace. Cut to October, I was free to do what I always wanted to do. The question was to figure out what I wanted to do and what that would mean for me, my family and my journey of seeking.
So what am I upto now?
My husband and I have started working together – while we dreaded this initially, because it has been a while, we are enjoying this phase of figuring out what it means to be work partners.
We are unschooling our daughter – she is not being controlled by any particular schedule – but is encouraged to bring her whole selves into all spaces that she is part of – to explore every emotion there is, explore places both inside and outside of her, make new friends, develop her faith towards something larger than her own self, to be happy and at peace with how she spends every minute of hers.
It sounds very rosy – but it is not always the case. We remind ourselves (at least once a week) that this is our intention, and that we might fail miserably most of the time, and it is ok for us to fail as well since we are learning to be this together.
We shifted to a new town – so we are figuring out who we are in this community, who is our community, what we want to do here. We are slowly building some beautiful friendships and usually it is the food or the children that brings us together.
We have started meeting people to talk about our work – rather what we want to do – the gifts we want to share – and see how and who would be our collaborators, benefactors, etc. We successfully completed a nature camp for children under 10, hosted a workshop for youth, earned a small grant to support us kickstart our work, founded an art collective to support local artists and artisans, and are busy cooking plans for this year.
What is not evident is all the fights over what we should say, how we should say, the numerous empty cold calls we made, the imbalance in managing our child’s priorities and needs, and the events scheduled and canceled, and our savings drying up super quickly. This is only in the past 5 months and our journey is just about starting 🙂
A few paras above I started talking about how my husband and I work together and you might have noticed (or even be confused) how it went into our unschooling journey, moving, and all things considered as everyday life. I think that is the point.
I figured what was missing was the autonomy to spend each day intentionally and the way life happens. We got that now – where we are a little bit more kind to ourselves, we remind ourselves that deadlines are not to crush us but help us move towards the larger picture, the fact that there is a larger picture which is deeply rooted in purpose and spirituality, and there is some fulfillment in seeking and leading this life which brings the inner peace for us.
So this new year, my wish for you is,
May you be kind,
May you be healthy,
May you be love,
May you be at peace.
Have a great start to another year!
Lots of love to you,
Jayashree
